Apologies and Forgiveness

We as people have a tendency to want to gloss over conflict. This is something I have been greatly struck by over the last few months, especially in the church. I find I am unfortunately sometimes more willing to reason and logic away the things I've done wrong than go through the work to have a dialogue with the person or people I've wronged. In my time in the church I have also noticed that the institution of the church tends to be pretty crummy at this as well. As such, the idea for this video was born.

In the way of love, this hardly scratches the surface, but my hope is that this becomes an invitation to conversation. Open up. Talk about how you've been hurt by the church, how individuals in the church may have wronged you. Not because we need to know, but because it may help you heal.

The Digital Divide and The Economic Statement

Prior to this week having a T1 fiber-optic internet connection was a bonus in my mind: practical, useful, and very enjoyable, but not necessary, especially not at $79.54/month. My husband and I are both dedicated gamers and social media users, and not having an internet connection was out of the picture, so the only other alternative was a weaker connection for slightly more each month. You see, we only have two providers in our area, one of which wasn't available to us until about a year ago when they made fiber-optic connections available to apartment buildings. So I'm left wondering about the spotty internet service we used to have from the other company in town, that left us often without internet for hours or days at a time, and could sometimes affect large areas of homes and businesses in our community. 

The interview we watched with Susan Crawford this week reminds me of the Occupy movements, and while the 99% / 1% ratio isn't spot on, the message expands to include even internet access as a basic necessity. While there are locations, libraries especially, that offer public computers and internet access, there is definitely a monopoly as Crawford addresses it, in the connectivity services offered.

I'm struck though by what the ELCA economic statement talks about in terms of addressing poverty and it leads me to think about our own church policies. We have funds set aside for community assistance for families that are struggling to pay bills for specific reasons, and one of the criteria is that they are paying only the basic of necessities with these funds, and that they have redirected any unnecessary spending to these necessities first. Needless to say, internet is a luxury in these situations and understandably so, but if the monopoly didn't exist, and internet could be provided at reasonable cost, then this could easily become a way to even further level the playing field for the community.

The economic statement says, 

We call for:

• policies that promote stable families, strong schools, and safe neighborhoods;
• addressing the barriers individuals face in preparing for and sustaining a livelihood (such as lack of education, transportation, child care, and health care).

By calling us to address "barriers," we should be apt to start talking about this digital divide in our community and even more largely, across the nation. Even further then, we should strive to include computer and job training education to our congregations and communities if these types of courses aren't already in place.

Prayer on Pinterest

This week we're looking at prayer in digital media, and I guess I haven't thought about what prayer looks like digitally with any kind of conviction. So what did I do to familiarize myself with it apart from the videos and reading this week? Look at Pinterest. Woo!

What I found was a crazy huge variety of images of prayer across cultures and religions. Prayer that was spiritual, corporate, Muslim, Catholic, directed at youth, business people, and adults, and all manner in between. It seems like prayer not only has a presence online, but a profound one!

Some of the images especially evoke important pieces of prayer that I feel are even more necessary in prayer in the digital community.

This photograph is incredibly striking to me even without much context (because there isn't any given on it's original website here), because it reminds me that digital prayer is public, communal prayer. The words and images one might use are seen by both the intended and unintended audiences, and we must be cautious and calculated with what we use. Thankfully, there are great things like "drafts," spell check, and common sense to aid us. While we may choose to use universal language or say a blessing instead of a prayer, or generalize the religion that the prayer derives from, it's not often the norm as far as I have seen.

All over the internet you can find photos of these beautiful prayer flags, and it's no surprise because their colors are incredibly attractive to the eye. Now it was hard finding a link via Pinterest with a source, but this photo is from Mexicali Blues Blog where they give a little insight to the history of these flags. Prayer flags are hung outside in the wind so that they may spread the prayers of compassion, hope, peace and the like on the breeze throughout the world. I can't say I know all that much, but what I think is important to remember is that like the prayer flags themselves, our prayers in the digital world are prayers often put out for the benefit of the people that will see them. These are prayers in the world and for the world, and our language should match.

I'm including this final image because it sums up how intimate our prayers can be. This is a very vertical prayer, me and God, but it works in a digital world because it is simple enough that it applies in a multitude of situations and for many people. These are the prayers of a digital era.

CaringBridge, Connecting People

I think unfortunately that when new forums or technologies are presented to the public, we have very little grace for how they fit what we have done traditionally or are using presently. In the case of CaringBridge, I think when most people first encounter it, they expect something very different from what they end up with, but I don’t believe this is in anyway a bad thing. For CaringBridge, it’s important that we have even more grace in technology, because it is built for the purpose of expressing something that is *intensely* personal, and we put ourselves in a distanced, but vulnerable state when using this forum.
From a perspective of community care, CaringBridge and sites like it, even via Facebook, have great potential as an extra step above and beyond what we can or would do in person. This type of posting, if the patient or another can post in their stead allows for a connection to occur in ways that are difficult to sustain with multiple people in a once a week visitation or church setting. I can speak from personal experience here I guess, as I've been able to use CaringBridge for just such a use in my own life.

An acquaintance of mine from college whom I participated in ministry with went in for what should have been a routine surgery and left with mountains of other problems. She began using CaringBridge as a way of updating her family, close friends, and church as she was limited in her mobility and couldn't see those she cared about as frequently as she would like. When I met Sarah, she was wanting to join us at our women's retreat but was worried about her restrictions limiting her involvement. We talked, and I assured her that I would be more than happy to do anything I could to make it so her participation wouldn't be limited and that she could stay as long or as little as she would like. That weekend she joined us for just a few hours one afternoon, but genuinely enjoyed herself, and we continued talking on a semi-regular basis from that time forward. I was also informed of the nature of her medical issues, and started following her CaringBridge regularly to keep up with her and what was going on in her life. 

About 2 years later, we were mostly out of touch, though I still regularly followed her CaringBridge and Facebook, commenting occasionally, when she mentioned that she loved reading, and had just gotten a kindle because it was difficult to hold the weight of a book for long periods of time, and it was much easier to read lying down with the e-reader. I was elated, because I loved my kindle and I wanted her to be able to enjoy it to the very fullest, so I purchased an e-giftcard from Amazon for her to buy the next book in the series she was reading and emailed it to her without another thought. To my surprise, I saw her later that week in a local store on one of her very few times out of the house in a week with her mom. I was thrilled to see her, but remember her condition I asked first if I could hug her. She said yes and we embraced, but it was her mother's reaction that captured me. Her eyes had watered, and she gently thanked me for asking, and for taking into consideration her daughters medical state. I have been moved beyond words for that moment ever since, grateful that we are blessed to be using a website that allows for the type of communication that can still move us to tears in the presence of one another.


What does my story mean for the larger community? Well, it means read and be involved. 

CaringBridge is not a substitution, it's an addition. We must still carefully respect the medical details of any person whether they choose to post them openly or not, we must be aware of our presence so that we do not overly engage ourselves at the sake of one person or another, but not so distant that it may lead someone to believe the church by proxy doesn't care for them. I'm trying to remember in my use, to acknowledge what I know about a persons situation and from where (and sometimes even from who!) so that I can start a conversation on relevant information, or avoid a conversation if they've already expressed frustration with such an issue already. I think there is also something to be said within the church community to keep CaringBridge as a resource for families and individuals who are interested in this type of communication with their loved ones, possibly connecting them with computer savvy individuals or youths who could teach them how to use the basic site and get them set up to do so if they were interested.

Witness, Testimony, and Vulnerability

We're talking about witness and testimony this week, and we were asked to watch Jefferson Bethke's spoken verse video, Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus.

Now I'm not crazy about this video for a few reasons; it attempts to persuade using clever editing, poetry, and music, but I also don't agree with all of the theology. I do think that he makes some valid and noteworthy points, but what I want to talk about isn't his video itself, but how we respond to his video.

This week we're addressing testimony and witness, things that I think Jefferson Bethke isn't trying to do with this video. Sure, he mentions the gospel story, but largely, his commentary is about the people that comprise the church, and not the acts of God being carried out. When he's addressing religion he's witnessing what happens in out of our humanity, not what happens out of God's ability. When he starts to tell his own story, about halfway through the video, then we move into witness of God.

I showed this video to my 7th graders last year when it became a "big deal" in the Christian communities in our area, especially on the nearby university campus, because I wanted them to have a frank discussion about what "the church" and "religion" are and how they feel about what each of those bodies is doing, and how they feel about what "God" is doing. And it worked, we had an hour long discussion after watching this video that was open, and adult, and comprised of thought-provoking theological ideas and depth. I was amazed! So it was in our responding to this video that we found real witness, to what God was doing not only in our lives, but also in the community and in the life of our church.

So, we were also asked to watch Jim Gilliam's video, The Internet is My Religion.

I loved this video. I love that Jim has a humble, yet aware self-image of what he has experienced in life, and can interpret what he has done with a comical and objective perspective. It helps that my connection to the internet can be expressed as similarly as his. Jim, though probably has very distinct views about religion not very well expressed in this video, while he's talking about humanity, he is witnessing to God's action.

What's interesting to note about Jim and Jefferson's videos is that when both speakers begin to talk about themselves and their experiences we can more clearly see how God moves. It's as though our open vulnerability allows God to move. When we reach the end of ourselves, it's not surprising that someone else needs to step up. That is something to witness.

Gospel and Heritage

I guess my theological heritage is supposed to be Lutheran, but its not something I've really ever claimed. When I talk about my theological heritage, where I've learned what, what I've ruminated on, etc, it's born out of a melting pot of intellectuals and books, digital life, experience, and conversations with people who are mostly far removed from the Christian faith. For this reason, I'm confused and concerned about the question this week, "thinking together with your own theological heritage or tradition, what is Gospel?"

Naturally then, when I first started drafting this blog, I went to Google, where I received the above definition. Thanks, Google. Heritage on the other hand, I knew without searching, is the combined elements that tell us who we are, that make up our traditions, culture, and nuances. So what then is this Gospel that we speak of?

Gospel, something that is true, is a loving and just God who cares infinitely and deeply for his creation, his created people, who are broken and searching for whatever 'home' they can carve out.

For my understanding, Gospel can't be just God, because we are created in God's image, an extension. From the bible we hear this time and time again, but it explains also the good in the world as it is evident in our life experiences, as presented by the use of some technologies and digital enhancements, and with people who don't even believe this God of ours who see a good in people that cannot be mistaken even against the backdrop of human evils.

Simultaneously, gospel can't be just us, because we are never absolute, by our very life we are finite and fragile. We see in our life experience the expiration of people closest to us, the advertisement of thousands of products claiming to extend our lives, and books upon books that reveal to us how the body expires, how death comes in the bible after the fall of man, and that we cannot, though we may try, live forever.

Together, these pieces make up truth for me at this point. I imagine that this will change. That I will learn something new going forward from here, and that someday my known and perceived truth may change. Until then.

Hackers & the Boundaries Between Private, Personal, Communal and Public

Amidst all of this discussion for IC2643, it's been mentioned that we should explore what is private, personal, communal, and public. While so far this semester I've had some fantastic conversations about these spheres of life, what I'm hanging on to right now is concept of hackers. No connection, right? Wrong.

A hacker violates the boundaries between these four spheres, when our private or personal information is violated and dragged out into the public eye for scrutiny, abuse, judgment or even just awareness. I guess this leaves me asking, how is the community, the church, supposed to respond when those boundaries are abruptly violated, digitally or otherwise? 

Last week the discussion came up about our neighbors being disruptive and generative, well, a hacker is a really disruptive neighbor. Sure, there are things that we as individuals and we as corporations like the church can do to protect ourselves, the community we serve, and the social media we use from these types of disruptions, but inevitably dese tings do 'appen (Oh, Phantom!). What do we do then?

As a gamer and all around internet nerd, I myself have been hacked in a few things, and luckily nothing extreme! But I do know from experience that these 'tings' can be as little as a hiccup in your day, and as big as major effort and work to recover what you once had, be it all of your cool gaming armor, or the emails containing your thesis documents, or your credit score, financial records, and shutting down accounts that may have been created with your information. For most larger bodies, companies and churches and the like, there are NUMEROUS resources for retrieving compromised information and re-obtaining account accesses, and the damage can often be contained very quickly. What I have noticed is that for many personal accounts, whether it be emails, facebook, or games, things can escalate quickly and often little support exists within either the web or personal community. So, what does all of this have to do with the ecology of our communities of faith in a social media world?

The people affected by these types of hacking situations are part of our congregations, and part of our larger interacting community. I'm not proposing that the church become integrally involved in the technological problems of everyone in their community, but how about a little acknowledgement for someone's love of facebook and the relationships that can be hurt by a malicious local hacker spreading rumors, gossip, or slandering friends, or someone's love of gaming and the hours they've poured into a high-level character only to have all of their amassed things be sold off and the money stolen. What those affected by identity theft, which is primarily a digital crime? For digital natives especially, these are not only real problems, but real problems that hurt us and make us leery of our communities both online and in real life, and they can be even more jarring for those who are digital foreigners and the like.

What I'm trying to say here is that along with new ways of communicating and interacting with one another, a series of new problems and concerns arises. A series of problems that most corporate bodies haven't figured out how to address effectively.  I'm trying to be more conscious of this in my day to day life with the people I actually meet, but it often gets laid to the side once I leave work because it's part of my job description. I struggle to assist  in the plight of my friends when they experience these issues, and mostly just end those conversations with, "I've been there, I'm sorry it's happening."

A Neighbor's Presence

I wanted to use a separate post this week to take on Mary's question directly: How have you experienced neighbors offering their disruptive and generative presence to you, and bringing you to reflect on what it means to live in both brokenness and grace?

I'm doing that specifically because I have been blessed by two of my friends, S+J, who have mostly willingly entered into conversation with me about all of my coursework for this 2012-2013 academic year and I wanted to reflect on our experience. We've been busy chattering on about prophets, redemption, emerging adults, and what this whole life experience thing is all about now for about 6 months, and I have to say, it has made a hugely noticeable difference in not only my schoolwork, but in my theological thinking. This is not to say that we haven't experienced our own struggles in this little set up.

We meet here at Cottonwood Coffee once a week, someone usually brings something to talk about and we often get off topic as we explore theology. It's been our own private little bubble of the world where we're less concerned about our own rhetoric, where we know the audience intimately, and we enter into each conversation for the most part, willing each to be changed.

Often we have opposing viewpoints, often I'm struck by how similar our perspectives are, but what has stood out to me the most from these exchanges are that even when we are at our most 'human', when we forget a topic, when we have to change location, when new people join us, when we're having crappy days, somehow, we still manage a conversation of substance. Somehow, we still meet. Somehow, we still grow. In that humanness of each of us, we have managed to embrace the relationship that we have established.

Now, I guarantee that at times, it's just these very meetings that can be an interruption to my day and my pace of work, that our conversations can be so far from what I need to be focused on for class that they make completing assignments difficult, and that occasionally, I just don't want to participate. What we've found though, is that among all of that, we miss this time when we don't have it, we continue these conversations outside of this coffee shop in the rest of our lives, and often with other people.

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Hey there, IC2643-ers!

Mary ruminated on the concept of neighbor this week while she set the table, and this idea of neighbor has been rolling around the back of my head with the rest of the marbles during this week. As such, I wanted to bring this into the conversation this week while reflecting on Michael Wesch's video and my renewed blogging experience

(This is Michael Wesch's Video An Anthropological Introduction to YouTube if you're interested. Be warned, it is long, but it is both informative and HILARIOUS at times!)

We often talk about "love your neighbor... care for your neighbor... be a good neighbor... won't you be my neighbor?" in the church, and I often brush it to the side when we talk about who my neighbor is and wander off into la-la land thinking about why my neighbor is. Or more helpfully put, why are these my neighbors, and why are we so focused on "these" neighbors? Sometimes it's a specific audience we're trying to reach, to assist, to be aware of, but Michael Wesch makes a point in his video that at least on YouTube (but also true of other online medium) we are working with an invisible audience, unknown context, and an asynchronous timeline, making my audience--my neighbor--everyone. 

I'm one of those strange people who is hyper aware of audience. From a performance, forensics/speech, congregational stand point, there is a HUGE part of what I do on a regular basis that depends upon my ability to not only read an audience, but conform and comply with their norms, mores, and expectations. Here though, in blogging and on social media, I feel less constrained by those requirements of my audience because I'm not faced with them! Of course, this leads to its own dilemmas: writing with no point, context collapse, and personal disinterest. I include that last little piece about personal disinterest because the very point of all of this media stuff is that we make a connection. Community. 

This realization in turn lead me to the dilemma I faced beginning this course: do I use my personal blog, or do I create something wholly new? Obviously, my decision has been to use my personal blog, with the intent that there be connections. Not necessarily my own, of course, but that maybe what goes on in my personal blogging may be influenced by IC2643 blogging, and vice versa, or that readers of my personal blog may be drawn into this conversation about Gospel and Global Media Culture, and the other way around. So I'm asking myself in regards to audience, just like my classmate comments from Mary's setting the table, do I need to move? Do I need to shift my thinking to another audience, another neighbor?

Let me tell you a little story first before I reveal how I'm answering that question. I remember when I first joined Facebook, at the beginning of my undergraduate career, and would spend time regularly finding new friends, whether they were people I had class with, I knew from school or church, etc. But I would be astounded by the mutual friends that we sometimes had. What a change from real life! Unless these two people would show up at the same gathering, or come up in a distinct conversation, you may not be aware that you know the same people. So here in lies my hope at the beginning of this, and maybe underlying in most of what we do on social media; May we meet people here, may our thoughts be broadened by this whole conversation, and may we enjoy the link-surfing of media life because we never know if we are Six Degrees from Kevin Bacon!

Wedding Music

During our reception, I received tons of comments about, well,… everything, but most surprisingly, the music! We decided very early on in our wedding dreams that we didn’t want to do a dance. Why? First off, G can’t dance. And for that matter, probably wouldn’t even try. Also, it was an afternoon wedding, and no alcohol was involved, which can make for some seriously dance-timid guests. So we just didn’t even go there.
Ultimately, we wanted to have music that people could dance to if they so chose, but would still be entertaining if no dancing was going on, and wouldn’t impede on the ability to converse among friends and family. Phew, that was mouthful, but all that thought went into our decision, and then we waited. And waited. And waited. Right up until the week before the wedding, when on my drive to Minnesota, I had a moment of panic when I realized the music wasn’t yet done.
At this point, I have to tell you something about myself: I LOVE MUSIC. I really don’t have anything that I don’t enjoy, but I definitely go in “moods” of one style preferred over another. The following list, for the most part, has no recognition of the mood I was in that week, but has songs that remind me of the people we love, of experiences we’ve had, of friendships, love, and family, or they’re just plain sweet. Some were even songs I lost veto power on. In hindsight, this list was perfect.  And from the comments of people at the wedding, I think they agreed!
So lets dive in. I separated everything out to its own playlist, and my “little” brother was amazing and set up sound for us all day, and made sure everything was playing.
Prelude: I chose music that was low key and jazzy, but this was where we also put things we loved or are some of “our” songs that didn’t make it into the ceremony.
I Will Be Here    Steven Curtis Chapman    All About Love
L-O-V-E    Joss Stone    Introducing Joss Stone     
Everything    Michael Bublé    Call Me Irresponsible (Standard Edition)       
Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop    Landon Pigg    The Boy Who Never
Feels Like Home    Chantal Kreviazuk    What If It All Means Something       
I'd Rather Be With You    Joshua Radin    Simple Times       
I Won't Give Up    Jason Mraz    Love Is A Four Letter Word       
Ceremony: We took forever to plan this one out too, mostly because we wanted our processional music to suit the people who were going down the aisle, and to fit our style of wedding and music.
Parents Entrance:  You & Me    Dave Matthews Band       
Maids Entrance:  Marry Me    Train
Brides Entrance:  Nothing Fancy    Dave Barnes
Communion:  It Is Well (With My Soul)    Jeremy Camp and Adie Camp
Party Exit:  Dancing In The Minefields    Andrew Peterson
Group Photo:  Say Hey (I Love You)    Michael Franti & Spearhead
Lunch: This was the easiest list for me to make, and I ended up shortening it, considering the amount of time it would take for lunch, but this was a jazzy, sweet mix of well known music, things people already know they enjoyed.
It Had To Be You (Big Band and Vocals)    Harry Connick Jr.
Some Kind Of Wonderful    Michael Bublé    Hollywood The Deluxe EP       
Lucky    Jason Mraz Feat. Colbie Caillat    We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
Mine To Love    Dave Barnes    Stories To Tell
I Was Made for You    She & Him    Volume One      
The Way You Look Tonight    Michael Bublé    Michael Bublé (US Version)
Moondance    Van Morrison    Moondance
Lights    Ellie Goulding    Lights
I Won't Give Up    Jason Mraz    Love Is A Four Letter Word
Can't Help Falling In Love (Studio)    Michael Bublé    Come Fly With Me
Love Will Be Enough For Us    Dave Barnes    Stories To Tell
Anyone Else But You    Michael Cera & Ellen Page    Juno
Reception: Finding three hours of music is hard. Hard. I had to take three long breaks to try to figure out what else I could use, before I started scouring Google, wedding blogs, and my friends playlists to get a list long enough, but I’m pretty sure I’ve listened to this playlist more times since the wedding than anything else, because it was such a labor of love by myself and my friends. It’s a huge mix of pop, rock, mainstream, unknown, christian, secular, and everything else. You know it’s a good list though, when you can put ZZ Top, The Temptations, and Michael Bublé together.
The Way You Look Tonight    Michael Bublé    Michael Bublé (US Version)
Brown Eyed Girl    Van Morrison    60s Greatest Moments
Crazy Love    Van Morrison    Moondance
I'm Yours (Album Version)    Jason Mraz    We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
What I Like About You    The Romantics    What I Like About You
We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monáe)    Fun.    We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monáe)
Hey, Soul Sister    Train    Save Me, San Francisco   
Sunglasses At Night    Corey Hart    The Singles  
I Want You    Savage Garden    Savage Garden
My Girl    The Temptations    Motown Legend
Moves Like Jagger    Maroon 5    Hands All Over
If It's Love    Train    Save Me, San Francisco
I Gotta Feeling    The Black Eyed Peas    The E.N.D. (The Energy Never Dies)
Brighter Than The Sun    Colbie Caillat    All Of You
I Do    Colbie Caillat    All Of You
Love Shack    The B-52's    Cosmic Thing
Haven't Met You Yet    Michael Bublé    Crazy Love (Amazon MP3 ExclusiveVersion)
Go On    Jack Johnson    Sleep Through The Static
Smile (Acoustic Version)    Uncle Kracker    Serve4
Better Together    Jack Johnson    In Between Dreams
God Gave Me You    Dave Barnes    What We Want, What We Get
Put Your Records On    Corinne Bailey Rae    Corinne Bailey Rae
Steal My Kisses    Ben Harper    Burn To Shine
Don't Let Me Fall    Lenka    Don't Let Me Fall
Hold You In My Arms    Ray LaMontagne    Trouble
Some Kind Of Wonderful    Michael Bublé    Hollywood The Deluxe EP
Do You Realize??    The Flaming Lips    Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots
The Little Things    Carlos Bertonatti    Times Are Good
Collide (Chris Lord-Alge Mix aka Radio Edit)    Howie Day    Stop All The World Now
Those Sweet Words    Norah Jones    Feels Like Home
Instead    Madeleine Peyroux    Bare Bones
1234     Feist    The Reminder       
Wish I     Jem    Finally Woken  
There's Hope     India.Arie    Testimony: Vol. 1 Life & Relationship
By Your Side    Sade    Lovers Rock
I Will Follow You Into The Dark     Death Cab for Cutie    Plans
Many the Miles    Sara Bareilles    Little Voice
I Could Not Ask For More    Sara Evans    Born To Fly
What A Wonderful World    Louis Armstrong    All Time Greatest Hits
Over The Rainbow    Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole    Alone in IZ World
I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch)    Four Tops
Save The Last Dance For Me    Michael Bublé    It's Time (U.S. Version)
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic    The Police    Ghost In The Machine
Friday I'm In Love (LP Version)    The Cure    Greatest Hits
Sharp Dressed Man    ZZ Top    Eliminator
Gotta Be Wrong Sometimes     O.A.R.    King (Deluxe Version)
How Sweet It Is     Michael Bublé    It's Time (U.S. Version)
Glad You Came    The Wanted    Glad You Came